Jenny's Ashes - full circle moment

Jennifer now rests eternally with Dad. Returning the necklaces with her ashes back to the rest of her ashes in Dad's casket is one of those really weird, beautiful, and terrible full circle moments. He put the ashes in the necklaces for us. It was not an easy task. When Shanda at the funeral home said that he could have asked for their help, as they have tools to make it easier, I told her while that was true, I know he did it as an act of love. He chose a day where it was just him at home to do it. And Mom and I then got our necklaces for Christmas. So yesterday at the funeral home, I took the pendant off my necklace and put it with Mom's, and placed them on Dad's chest. It was very difficult, but it was the plan all along. 

And the sisters sitting on the moon necklace that Jenny gave me her last Christmas with us, isn't lonely on the chain. I added my Daddy necklace charm to it. We got those the Christmas after her initial diagnosis. And I never really wore it, but it always hung in my room. Her ashes are with him, but their charms now hang together on my chain. 

I am very sentimental. And I treasure symbols, especially those that represent people and things that were most important to me. One thing that has meant a lot to us since Jen first got sick is 11s.11:11, 1:11, 11, doesn't matter we see it everywhere. When Dad died, and we left the hospital Mom mentioned not being able to see an 11 anywhere and not finding the 11 was strange and more difficult for her, and me, than it probably should be. I told her one would be there. Somewhere we would see one.

When I opened some documents this morning, it had his official time of death, which isn't something we previously knew. It's written in 24 hour time. So 3:41 becomes 15:41. 

And there it was 1+5+4+1=11. It's comforting in its own way. 

Thank you to everyone for all the support since that day. As I compile the list in my head of everyone I need to thank, it is so incredibly long. There are so many acts of kindness small and large that went a long way to making these hard days a little easier. Some things we have only learned in the last few days, all the amazing things people have done for us. For Dad.

Someday I'll share some of the "God moments" I have found in all of it. The beauty that persists despite the indescribable pain. 

I have heard people say before that in order for a seed to grow, it has to split itself open. Something that changes it completely, if seeds could feel pain, it would be excruciating. Today's Gospel at the funeral reminded me of that.

For now I will share just part of it:

John 12:24-25

Amen, amen, I say to you, unless the grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies,  it remains alone. But if it dies, it yields much fruit. Whoever loves his life, will lose it. And whoever hates his life in this world, preserves it unto eternal life.