Nothing is OK, my dad is dead

 Nothing is ok, my dad is dead. Everything feels wrong. All feels out of whack. Food tastes weird and sleep feels weird. Crying is a release but also a weight. Knowing it will never end. My kids are sad and scared and anxious and mad and grieving and I can't really help because I'm all those things too. Nothing is ok, my dad is dead.

The stairs to my daughter's bunk bed broke, and he isn't here to fix them. My house is a mess and the kitchen needs backsplash and bins sit on my table. Nothing is ok, my dad is dead.

My daughter hates the color of her room and she only wants to sleep pressed against me. I want to yell and scream and run away. Nothing is ok, my dad is dead.

My best friend got a new job and is moving. We work together and my job feels so overwhelming. Another is giving her notice. Two more are pregnant. It's all too much. Nothing is ok, my dad is dead.

My weight is a problem and money is a problem and everything is a problem. All the time. Everything is wrong. Nothing is ok, my dead is dead.

Forever and always the person who could fix what's broken, mend what needs repaired, and heal a broken heart, is fine. Nothing is ok, my dad is dead.

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