Here we are again

Four years ago I was home with Andrew. Chris and his mom were helping me make lasagna. I had woken up with a sense of peace that I hadn't felt in many, many days.

That afternoon I looked up and saw Matt walking up the sidewalk. I said "oh Matt stopped by" not even thinking why he would be there unannounced. 

He walked in. I saw his face. I asked if she was gone and he nodded before hugging me. And then he took me to my parents' house. They were on their way home, and got there a little before we did. Together, we went to my grandparents house to tell them my sister, Jenny, had gone home to God. 

Last Thursday was the date I last saw Jenny four years ago. Our last visit. Last laugh. Last hug. We prayed together. And I left. By the time I got home the world as we knew it was upside down. She wasn't going to make it longer than a handful of days.

Last Thursday I lost my dad. Without warning or preamble. Just one second I'm working, and the next I'm driving to my parents' house and my cheeks are numb. My legs went numb as I walked across the yard and I spoke to the officer or deputy that was standing out front. 

I know his first embrace was with her. That he is reunited with his baby girl. That she has her daddy at her side. That today he isn't grieving four years without her. But instead we are here grieving them both and what the world looks like now. 

Fen, I hope you gave Dad at least a little crap when you reached out and brought him across the threshold.